The Boy That Says The Sweetest Thing.
Just incase I change to a new handphone and I couldnt retrive back my saved messages, thats the reason for this post. There is one text message in particular i’d like to remember for a very long time. Coz I know, i’d read back my post and just re-call back what I’ve been through.
. . .
“im loving you for what you are that i totally forgotten what kind of girl i wanted. Im simply fantasizing la, it’s the heart that matters..”
I’ve never been good at playing pool if it wasn’t because of you. You take care sweet lil’ boy. 
It Calls For New Life.
It is always wrong for anyone to believe anything upon insufficient evidence. No doubt it is always easier to believe than to deny as our mind are naturally affirmative. Words about me are spreading faster than tsunami attack but I choose not to justify it coz mainly I do not owe them any living thus i shall save my explanation for those whom deserve it. Im taking baby steps to recover now coz love is not all about the big bikes and big bucks.
Lesser commitments leads to another responsibility. School. I am glad i’ve finally applied for a school and doing something more interesting than just plain old engineering. Its time to settle on something I want and not what others want out of me.
. . .
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
I know God knows whats best for me. I know everything happened for a reason. Maybe now I could see it. Could the reason be you??? )
Born Of Imagination.
I think I am suffering from a severe case of insomnia and it is killing me like crazy. For someone who can sleep anywhere, anytime, this is just not good. My mind is practically shut off and is totally blank but my eyes are wide open while at work. Those racing, relentless thoughts seem never ending and by the time the mind starts to quieted, it’s already morning, time for work. This had become a nightly routine. Then slowly, I’ll start to hallucinate, though it’s just an illusion, albeit a persistent one.
Shots after shots of espresso, my eyes are still not co-operating with me. Then I’ll start talking nonsense and the headache is unbearable. I am just not okay now. I hope to be better soon.
“Try to be as relaxed as possible in the day and don’t let stress, anxiety and worry get the better of you. Avoid stimulants like caffeine and cigarettes in the day. Caffeine may give you an initial boost, however it is short-lived and will more than likely affect your sleep, as caffeine can stay in the body for up to 5 hours. Try drinking a calming drink such as chamomile tea.”
Chamomile tea next.
Setback.
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with our warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate now knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our “powerlessness”, that is a friend who cares.
They hear the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. Love you all.
Its 3.30am and I’ve got nothing better to do but do things that i’ve been neglecting for the past a week or so. Important things like thinking, masking my face, putting my retainers, sleep etc. Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it. I’ve yet to digest that these pimples are popping out at the wrong week! I’ve been secretly disappointed with myself in many areas. All have disappoinments, all have times that isn’t worthwhile. But for me, it has no proper ending therefore, no proper meaning. That sounds sooo true to life. Argh, what a setback!
Killing Me Softly.
Today, the bruises and scars will remind me for life what kind of fight I got into. The muscles are aching. I gotta be strong. I gotta be strong. “Take care” is the best words I want to hear for now. No, not from you.
Wheres The Sun?
The world have got to start taking me seriously in every sense. The school have got to accept me this October. This torture have got to stop. Because i have had enough and I do not like showing the world what kind of angry person i am. Happiness? It is indeed the most difficult thing to ask for.
Things to Deal With.
One weekend morning I woke up with an overwhelming feeling of anger that I just had to let it out and cry in the bathroom. Things haven’t been smooth on my side for about a month but I refuse to show and tell. But one thing for sure is that I am the happiest when im at work, coz they know nothing and they ask nothing. I am happy when people there entertain my nonsense. Me “this is my imaginary jacket. Whenever I have it on, I feel like im invisible. Like nobody can see me.” *puts on jacket*. Ct “oh wow, Syaz! Syaz! Where are you??? I don’t see you.” The time at work is the only time I feel I am me.
This bali trip is taking its toll on me. as much as I need some getaway, it stresses me out having my sister who is pretty much clueless straight at my ears and face.
I am not feeling good 99.9% of the time now. But true, I choose to ignore and let the day pass. Maybe it is true “aku perempuan yang tak ada perasaan.”
Shop-A-Holic.
Dearest sister, I really do not know what to get for your birthday. Apparently i am having 4 things in mind now but i would have to wait and see how much i earn next month. Till then… it shall be a beautiful surprise ok?
Because, next month is not only your month, its MY month too and i love giving myself presents. So i came up with a list since i was bored. I wished i will earn as much as i did this month but i dont think so. 
Anyway…
1. New DC skate shoe (to replace my torn Gravis shoe)
2. Different plain colours Topshop tanks.
3. Mineral make-up.
4. Short denim skirt/shorts.
5. Rubi’s design scarfs.
6. Fred perry polo tee.
7. White Vans abby shoes.
Aside from that, i am glad with my current purchases! Ahhh, now im so broke i cant even have ice cream with Sitz.
Supre skinny jeans and Forever21 black satin bomber jacket.
“mom, can i have a credit card with no limit???”
Dull Bits Cut Outs.
Beginnings are often the happiest, endings are often sad, but its the middle that counts – which are often scary.
Sooner or later you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know when to get worked up about and what to get rid of. And you know when it’s time to take care of yourself, for yourself. To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete. Because you know it’s never too late to have a life. And never too late to change one.
Life is just part of the big picture.
I Don’t Do Best Friends.
When you are in secondary school, you want to be that popular girl in school or outside school with thousand plus friends on your Friendster list. Be the girl the crowd shouts for at gigs, be the girl who has plenty comments on the blog’s tagboard, be the girl people talk about and whispers “eh, ni budak yang blablabla tu kan?”. In secondary school, you want to be on top of the world, you want to be everybody’s best friend.
Fair enough, I’ve had my “fair share” of girlfriends. It was fun, it was really fun. But the moment I entered ite, I was surrounded with guys, all kinds of guy. The girls and I went on separate ways and soon find it hard to squeeze 1 out of 30 days to just meet up.
I admit that 1 or 2 are still here with me, they heard me cry. They read my smile. They held my hand. They don’t judge and they say the right things at the right time.
A few just fade and never came back…
Now I realized there is no need to have “best friend”. What I need is just a friend behind me. They fill me up and me filling them up.
Friends really do come and go. Shall not think so far and I shall just enjoy my short breakfast with Sitz before work, my short trip with EE, sitz and Gomez at tioman, my 7-9hours shift with arina, my 2-3 hours time with nad, my endless text with farhana, my all night sleeping companion sister, my dinner dates with zeenat, my random useful conversation buddy azliah.
They may not know how much they have filled me.
